A short, sweet yet serious one...

So I'm still on the beach surrounded by couples, young topless women, old topless women, and some of the most beautiful (yes incredibly beautiful) men I've ever seen. I'm afraid to have my usual beach nap due to the constant warnings about pickpocketing so instead I'm back to being introspective. Don't worry...I seem to be happier lately. Just some random thoughts.

When ending a relationship years and years back (because I felt smothered - I was the ender) I remember saying to the endee that "you can't be someone's partner and other half until you are, yourself, a complete whole." Sure, there are incredible couples (like my parents) who are attached at the hip and best friends and last forever. There are also "power couples" who are so individual you would barely know they're together but somehow they make it work as well.

Somewhere in the middle, I think, is where I fall. Yes I want to know about your dreams and goals and interests and support you in them but I need to have mine too. It would be great if we had some in common here and there and also found some time to create some together. Balance. Teamwork. Partnership.

As I mentioned, in my past relationship, I was the one being leaned on too hard by someone who needed me to complete or validate him. The next relationship I entered, once we got through some really rough patches, was closer to what I explained above, the happy medium.

Yet, as I planned this trip I had this nagging feeling that I needed to do this single. Not to "go international" as I joked around about but just because it felt like the right thing to do for me. I felt selfish (actually some have called me selfish), I doubted myself but, if I've learned anything from my failed relationships, I need to follow my gut.

And I think, sitting here on the beach, I figured something out. I can analyze (or over-analyze), I can place blame, I can pinpoint when someone isn't who I'm looking for, I can nitpick, I can even admit when I do something wrong and need improvement but, what it may all come down to is that I'm not a complete whole yet. Maybe that's what this trip is partially about...professional, personal, emotional, etc. self-exploration and definitely growth.

For now, I'm going back to the eye candy on the beach. ;)