Today's blog is brought to you by the letters V and Q and the number 23.

We made it to Sydney and the weather is a huge relief. It was about 23 celsius (or about 73F). So nice! We had a couple kinks in our travel. First, we didn't realize we needed a visa to go to Australia. Luckily we took care of that one at the airport. Next, apparently all of our contact with NZ soil/water/farm animals could have earned us a big old quarantine. Luckily we were able to talk our way through the red tape and slid right on through.

We're staying in a huge hostel in central Sydney. Somehow I'm in a room full of guys from England and Ireland. I'm not sure where Evan is to be honest but hopefully he can fill me in tomorrow. Justin, one of the guys in my room, showed Evan and I where to get some cheap food and beer and we decided to call it an early night until we learn the city tomorrow.

Justin did tell us that he went to university at Birmingham, UK and, based on the wire, he guesses Birmingham is like Baltimore. Love. It.

In just a few short hours tonight I confirmed that I'm a city girl. Throw in a beach and even better. I think Australia is going to be my kind of place.

Sorry, no Mexican food on Mondays. That's his day off.

Dear New Zealand, Thanks for the memories. I'm not your biggest fan but I'll see you again in 1 month. Make it good. Love, Heather.

Yes. Finally. We are about to spend our last night in our campervan and fly to Sydney, Australia tomorrow. It should be sunny, it should be warmer, and there should be people there who leave their houses/campers/tents past 5p.m. My back hurts. I'm bored to death. And if I have to deal with anymore rain and/or freezing cold I'm getting on the next plane back to Philly.

We had some good fun here: the glacier, the caves, the crazy paced hikes, the non-stop lamb viewing. But seriously, NZ, WTF do you people do here!? It rains more than the Amazon and everything closes no later than 6p.m. Cities look like ghost towns. Towns are completely deserted. The prices for everything are outrageous so even if things were open you couldn't afford it anyway. I really, really hope Queenstown in November makes up for the last 5 weeks otherwise Lonely Planet is getting a nice letter regarding who paid them off to be so super hype about this place.

We went to Taupo to sky dive and it rained. We drove to Rotorua to see if the weather was better and it was dead empty (apparently public toilets are not necessary on Sundays) and still too cloudy for sky diving. So we drove to Waihi Beach to spend some time there before heading to Auckland to turn in the campervan and fly out. Waihi Beach was nice...until it started POURING in the middle of the night last night and the temp dropped a good 10 degrees celsius. So we fled there to head to Auckland where it was still raining and cold. The city was DEAD. We're talking major city, 2p.m. on a Monday and no one in the streets. Insane. We drove back to the suburb where we're RVing it for 1 last night, saw yet another movie and exited into a mall that was closing...at 6p.m. And yeah, that's the norm across this country. Even restaurants were closing. Totally nuts.

We found one spot, a Mexican restaurant and figured we should go for it. They even have 2 for 1 coronas from 5 to 7 every night. Yeah, except no Mexican food on Mondays...it's "his" (I'm guessing the only Mexican in NZ?) day off. And so it was frozen pizzas, soon to be followed up with chocolate cake, for our last night here.

To be honest, I'm just proud of myself for making it this far.

New Zealand weather thwarts our plans again aka why we're not sky diving

Yup, it's true. Due to yet another few days of rain there will be no sky diving for us tomorrow and, sadly, probably not til we're back in NZ in November. It's ok though. There is a light at the end of the tunnel known as Australia. We're almost there.

Today we drove from Waitomo to Taupo. Once we realized the weather sucked we grabbed lunch, went for a walk along the river and then drove around the lake for a bit. Follow that with some pasta and sauce and chocolate mud cake (and a bottle of wine for me) and you've got a pretty good day.

So yeah, tomorrow (Oct 9th) is 5 years since my brother Jason's accident and death. It's hard to believe it's been that long. I haven't talked about it with Evan yet. Honestly I've never talked about it with him but I hope we decide to do something to remember Jason. I have so many questions for Evan. They were so much closer than I was/am with either of them but that door has never been opened to me and I'm not about to barge my way in. One day.

I spent some time today on our walk remembering Jason's voice and laugh and even remembering when I found out. It's all a little "out of body" (like I'm watching myself from afar) but I don't want to forget any of it.

If he's out there somewhere I hope he's watching us on this trip and knows that it would be heaps (as they say in NZ) better if he were here.

I hope my parents are ok. This is the 1st time we haven't been together this weekend. Despite my hurt over what they think of me right now I love them and miss them and know that this weekend is hardest for them in a way I may never understand.

Floating under maggots with glowing poo (as they say in NZ)

We've had a busy couple of days here on the north island. We spent a night right outside Egmont National Park at a place called The Missing Leg. We slept in the van but the place had an excellent lodge with a wood stove and comfy couches. It was great. Yesterday morning we did a hike on Mt. Taranaki (it's actually a volcano). The hike was supposed to be 5 hours round trip. At Evan's pace, or actually slightly slower because I decided not to die, we did it in 3 hours.

After that we drove to Waitomo Caves. It's beautiful but, as you can tell from the above "upcoming events" sign...not much going on.

Today we spiced it up, big time. Here in Waitomo Caves are the Waitomo Caves (figures, eh?). We set up a "black abyss" tour into the caves which happen to be filled with glow worms. Any one remember glow worms from the late 80s? The toys? Yeah, not those (although I'm totally going to look for mine in the attic). These "glow worms" are actually the larvae of the fungus gnat (larvae of flys = maggots) and as they hang from the top of the caves and glow like stars in the night sky the glowing is actually a chemical reaction with their waste (poo) which, in turn, helps them attract more prey. That being said, they are pretty freakin cool. Oh, and apparently the water in the caves - filled with rats and eels. Luckily we didn't see any of those.

So our tour began with a ridiculous wetsuit and gum boot (like galoshes) outfit. We then repelled about 110 feet down a hole in the ground. That was followed by a brief walk and then a flying fox (zip line) through a cave in the pitch black filled with glow worms. Then they gave us a small snack, handed us some floating tubes and directed us to jump, ass-in-tube first, off a cliff down about 10-15 feet into the freezing cold water. We then pulled ourselves upstream for a ways (still ass-in-tube) and floated gently down in pitch black under glow worms.

From there we abandoned our tubes and began walking (falling), swimming, and floating through the caves sometimes in the dark and sometimes lit only by our helmet lamps. We slid over a waterfall, jumped off a waterfall, rock climbed up 3 waterfalls, crawled on elbows and knees through tiny muddy passages (during which Evan said "I feel like I'm back in 'nam"), and slid down a couple small cliffs. Even with the freezing cold water it was awesome!

And now it's sunny and springtime-like. This is the New Zealand I came for.

My hair 911 and some New Zealand observations

So right before bed last night I realized that my hair clay stuff was missing. Fuuuuck. I'm impatiently waiting for my hair to grow back and the last thing I need is for it to look worse than I already feel it does. I figured out what happened...when we got to the movies last night (we saw "The Other Guys") I went to grab some shoes and my toiletries fell out of the van. Apparently the hair product took off and I didn't notice. So this a.m we swung by the same parking lot. After looking under an entire row of cars, looking like a fool I'm sure squat-thrusting my way down the row, I was out of luck. I told Evan I was just going to run in and get "something." Well, isn't it just my luck that the 1st place in the mall had my exact product!?! Apparently Fudge products are made in Australia and quite common here in NZ as well. Phew! I followed up my mini-miracle with acquiring "The Time Traveler's Wife" to read (none of my friends' recommended books were in stock) AND got a cappuccino for the road. Score.

So the weather is finally decent now that we're on the north island. I was actually too warm at some points today as we drove from Wellington to Egmont National Park. It was a loooong drive but not too bad.

I've noticed 1 thing here in NZ that I keep forgetting to write about: political ads. In the states most political signs just have the candidate's name and maybe slogan. If any pic or image of the candidate is used they always look incredible, trustworthy, together. Here in NZ, almost all political signs have pictures of the candidate. The other difference? The candidates look like they just finished hiking on a windy day or shearing sheep in the field. I don't get it. Maybe in NZ it's the "farmer-next-door" who wins elections? It's just struck me, and Evan, as odd this entire trip.

Something I've noticed in our 24 hours on the north island: Maori people. The Maori are native New Zealanders and I would compare their appearance most to south pacific islanders. We saw virtually none on the south island. Up here there are many. Despite the country's attempt to use Maori words and incorporate their tradition into the country's history I have noticed that the Maori are like "minorities" or the under-priviledged in the states. At the nice sidewalk cafe we had lunch at today there were zero Maori eating there. Instead, I saw some playing music for money down the street and working at gas stations and small corner shops and I heard a radio report of a rape by a man who is "Maori or south pacific islander." Additionally, there seems to be an obesity issue among the Maoris which is common in the states among those who cannot afford quality food. So make of it what you will...this was just my social observation for the day.

Tomorrow we're doing a morning hike on Mt. Taranaki and then driving up to Waitomo Caves so we can absail, black water raft and see glow worms the nest day. Oh, and did I mention I'm sky diving in Taupo? October 9th is the day which, to me at least, is fitting. I'll dedicate my jump to Jason...5 years since his accident.

Kiwis (the birds) don't exist and other thoughts

We're still in Abel Tasman about to head to Picton and catch the ferry to the north island. Wrapping up our time on the south island of New Zealand has been good. A couple days ago we took a nice quiet walk along to coast and yesterday we did a full day ocean kayaking tour. (I really wish I could have gotten you all some pics of our kayaking day, especially our outfits but you'll have to wait til I upload the pics from my camera). We saw goats and I spotted a starfish on a rock and of course, lots of seals. Sadly...no sheep.

This national park is beautiful and we've been lucky to have some warmer sunny weather. I even got a bit of color back yesterday. I'm proud to say that I think I'm going to survive New Zealand. I still don't like getting out of showers into the cold air or my middle-of-the-night walks to the bathroom but we've got 8 days to go, 7 of which will be on the north island and jam packed with caves, glow worms, hiking and sky diving (finally!). We may even fit in some SCUBA.

I had some thinking time on our walk the other day and I've come to some conclusions. First, the kiwi bird does not exist. We have been here for almost 4 weeks and we have not seen one. Not even a picture of one except corny cartoonish drawings on shopping bags or "kiwi zone" signs or even the McDonalds flag. I don't buy that they're nocturnal or that dogs and possums are reducing their numbers...I haven't even seen one at a wildlife/bird sanctuary. In conclusion, the much cherished and protected kiwi bird is really a myth.

I also thought about the original theme of my travels and my goals and realized that I need to refocus. "Letting go" of little daily things has gotten easier and I rarely have to think about it. Plans get messed up, Evan snaps at me (which is rare but seems to be happening more lately), wifi on my phone is acting up so I lose a call a million times...I just breathe and move on.

Even some of the more important stuff has gotten easier. Evan isn't very talkative and hasn't really wanted to hit bars or anything at night. At first I thought it must be me...I'm not as cool as he thinks his friends are or I'm just his big annoying sister. It bugged me. But at this point there really isn't anything I can do about it other than be me and accept that this is how it is and hopefully in Australia we will get to meet some people to hang out with along the way and break the monotony of our duo.

The bigger things though...I just can't quiet my head as much as I'd like to. When I went to that yoga class last week it was so nice to have 1.5 hours of mental quiet where all I thought about was the position of my body. I've been trying to focus on keeping my shoulders down and open and on the posture of my spine because it feels better and gives me something to focus my mind on. Still...not doing as well as I'd like.

I'm already planning things in my head for when I get home in 6ish weeks. How clean is the house? What am I going to do with my hair? Can I tailgate for the Eagles game on Nov 21st and still make it to the airport to pick Preston up? (Speaking of the Eagles...as I write this they are apparently getting killed by the Redskins...Vick is hurt, McCoy is hurt. I thought my toiletries exploding on a hot dashboard yesterday or dropping a jar of peanut butter on my left big toe this a.m was bad!)

I also mull over and over in my head about where I'm going after I'm done with this trip. I miss working. I am discouraged by the time and effort I've put into my job search, even while traveling, and that I've come up with almost nothing. A couple of interviews, an out-of-the-blue job offer that came 2 days too late, and that's about it. I love being a lawyer. I'm not ready to just throw it away but I also know that I'm not willing to get back on a career track that doesn't get me where I want to go.

I have an outstanding coffee invite with the out-of-the-blue boss. I have a great idea for how I can fill a niche in the legal field that might give me a bit of income, and potentially a lot of income, once I get it up and running. I have some LLM programs to apply for but still no guarantee that will get me a job or be what I want (it's more a career move and not something I'm totally invested in at this point). And I have Susan who hopefully will help find me some temp work (since I'm apparently a great receptionist with a sweet phone voice) while I work it all out.

What do I want to do? Right now my gut says that I want to teach abroad. I love traveling, I love exploring, I've always loved teaching from the bit of volunteer work I've done and I've talked to some people who have made it work for them in a great way. I've started researching and hope I can work out the logistics (i.e obligations in the states, my house, moving my cats). It just feels like the best fit for what I want professionally and personally. We'll see...I just wish I could limit the amount of time and brain power I'm dedicating to this. Where is the line between working on it and obsessing over it?

I've also been dealing with some personal disappointments. I can be a little guarded at times. I don't often confide everything or say as much as I want to in relationships - romantic or just with friends - because I've had the rug ripped out from under my feet way too many times. Blogging has helped me open up a bit. Having some solid friends has as well.

Meeting Preston helped as well. Finally not having to deal with games or fit into a tiny box of expectations allowed me to unintentionally go in with my wall down. It's crazy though how the smallest things can happen that make my defenses come shooting up. Watching from my "let go" perspective it's like I can see where past battle wounds play out in my head where they have no business being but addressing them and setting them free is harder than I'd like.

And, finally, my parents. I don't think I've updated much since the Amsterdam face-off but let's just say the situation has deteriorated. In discussing the situation Preston said, "I don't understand. From day one you spoke of your parents so highly. Where did all this come from?" I just keep wondering that over and over in my head...how did the people who have always supported me and told me I can do anything I set my mind to turn into my biggest naysayers when I need their support and advice the most? Maybe they are really Philly sports fans?

I've always kept a bit of myself private from my parents. I didn't always tell them the work I put in to finding a job, just the end result (which, until recently, was always positive). I haven't always told them about every guy I've met along the way (they've met 3: my high school boyfriend (who they love using as an example as to my failed dating life...sorry, I didn't chose well at age 16), my ex husband and Keem)...mostly because 90% never go anywhere or are crazy in their own special ways. I wasn't guarded per se but I just wanted them to be proud of me.

My dad always told me 2 things: (1) you should never wake up and feel like you're going to "work" and (2) as a strong, intelligent woman you can achieve anything you want. (He also told me that crying solves nothing and my therapist, when I had one, seemed to think that played a part in my internalizing emotions and fear of being vulnerable or weak).

So now that I haven't told them of each and every job I've applied for or gotten into my full thought out plans moving forward in whichever direction I choose (mostly because they say NO before I can)...I am immature, careless, irresponsible. I wouldn't have anything without them (trust me, the minute I can give them their down payment money back from my house and pay them back for my car (which I thought was a gift) it's done) and if I don't find myself a rich husband I need to reevaluate my career plans.

And since I haven't told them about every guy I've met they've decided that I insist on dating "losers" who aren't "intelligent" and that they don't understand why I'm trying to "go back to the ghetto" when Jews have tried to move away from there for generations.

Yeah, I didn't tell them about the dentist a friend tried to set me up with who invited me, via gchat, to his jacuzzi before ever hearing my voice and, when I declined, I never heard from him again. Or the engineer/MMA fighter who freaked out on me every time we talked and then contacted me the next day like nothing happened. Or the worldly MBA student who snorted coke with his friends and partied every night and I decided that wasn't the life for me. And there have been countless others...if you know me, you know this. I could write a book.

Apparently it's not up for discussion because in person they yell and insult me and the people in my life, via email (yes, I sent them an email longer than this blog entry) I "have an attitude." So my parents, my role models, my support structure...apparently as mythical as the kiwi bird.

My brother fell into quicksand and I almost wet my pants

Oh boy...today was like Princess Bride, New Zealand edition. It started off peaceful enough. It's sunny and kinda warm. I drank my coffee looking at the ocean and then we started our drive to Farewell Spit - the "hook" at the northwest corner of NZ's south island.

It was low tide when we got there so we decided to walk out to the end of the spit (a long narrow piece of land covered mostly by beach and sand dunes with some vegetation). As we walked along, I was searching for shells and told Evan about the time in law school when I got 3 hermit crabs: Princess Buttercup (the little one), Inyigo Montoya (the medium one), and Fezic (no idea how to spell that, the huge one). Unfortunately Fezic killed and dismembered Princess Buttercup and I couldn't have murderers in my apartment so I disposed of Inyigo and Fezic down the trash chute (I still feel guilty to this day).

Evan turned around and said "I think someone is following us!" I looked back and realized they were AND they were gaining on us so I replied "Inconceivable!"

We walked a bit more and decided to head up and explore the sand dune. It was crazy and beautiful up there as we crossed it to get to the other side. When we got to that beach we encountered the crazy NZ sand. I don't know how to explain it. It looks like that hard wet-ish sand that you walk on as the tide goes out but for some reason, in some spots, you just sink in for a few inches. It makes it really hard to walk.

So, we're walking along and I'm thinking "man, I should have stopped in the ladies room before this walk." Suddenly Evan yells "Help! It's quicksand!" I look over and he's knee deep in muck. Every time he moved he got deeper. He's yelling: "Throw a rope! Wait, take a picture. Oh god...I'll never get out!" And I'm trying to get my camera and look for a convenient vine to dive in and rescue him (like they did in the fire swamp quicksand) all while crossing my legs because I was dying laughing and trying not to wet my pants.

Unfortunately there was only a small twig available on the sand dune. I did get some great pics of him almost waist-deep in the sand and he was able to free himself. Luckily, I did not wet my pants. I'm still cracking up just writing about it.

After that we grabbed some lunch and some ice cream and drove through some crazy hills and vegetation to get to another beach with orange sand. It was all pretty incredible and were it not for the sandflies we'd probably still be sitting there.

I can't believe it's October! Just 11 more days until Australia sunshine. :)